feng_shui_house: me at my computer (Default)
[personal profile] feng_shui_house
Compiled by the members of a Blake's 7 mailing list way way way back. I'd been given permission to post it on my website at the time. Was just looking through my Salvaged drive for photos I'd taken of fruit for upcoming Spoonflower challenge and came across the list.

Thought it might amuse people who hadn't seen it, and also be nostalgic for those who had seen it.

1. Bath/shower. Dull maybe, but plausible and then you only need a good  reason for someone to interrupt. One has to envy Jeeves/ Wooster writers: in what other fandom is it canon that one man bathes another?

2. Getting soaked and hypothermic (necessitating cuddles as well).

3. Having to swim.

4. Back rubs (still sexy after all these years).

5. Injury/illness. Variant:  having to remove clothing soiled by illness.

6. Bruises/ friction burns due to riding bikes. Variant: skin irritation due to too much leather too close to skin.

7. Being sold as slave. Reasonable - you'd want to check out the  merchandise, wouldn't you?

8. Strip-search. Variant: Having all clothing confiscated because captors fear you're concealing James Bond style gadgets in them.

9. Having to space clothes to lessen weight of shuttle.

10. Being disturbed while asleep in one's own (or someone else's) cabin.

11. Clothing catching fire.

12. Spilling food, drink or other substances on clothing.

13. Getting changed for purposes of disguise or attending formal occasions. Variant: changing clothes for dinner.

14. People have varying ideas of how much clothing to remove when putting a drunk/unconscious companion to bed. Variant: Stripping a drunk on the pretense that they're going to throw up over their only set of clothes.

15. Squirrel up the trouser leg (looking for nuts, presumably).

16. Plagued by leeches! (ew!) Variant: discovering noxious insects in underwear.

17. Clothes eaten overnight due to hanging them up on carnivorous plant.

18. One's crewmate(s) hobby is drawing or taking pictures, and one has been persuaded to pose.

19. Having to reveal tattoo/ birthmark to prove identity.

20. Sacrifice clothing for other use e.g.. bandaging wounds/ diapering orphaned infants/ distracting tracking animals/ turn waterproof stuff into rain catchers/ cook & eat leather, etc. (they are in real trouble at this point).

21. Getting leather clothing wet & having it shrink around delicate parts to point of severe discomfort.

22. Having to get at secret information/invaluable component which was taped to skin to hide it (unlikely to get completely naked for this- but chests are nice, too).

23. Having to disrobe to fit in with rest of people in vicinity (nudists, strippers, prostitutes, sun worshippers, etc.).

24. Getting clothing ripped off by barbed wire/guard animals/ broken glass, etc.

25. Giving clothing to someone Who Needs it More. (Canonical: Blake giving his jacket to the Avalon android) Although unlikely to result in complete strip.

26. Taking clothing off because you're about to do something messy (disposing of bloody corpse/ crawling into ductwork/ etc.) & you'll need your clothes undamaged later. (Probably would leave on underpants - unless you hadn't any on to start with).

27. Having been held by enemy & starved to point clothes won't stay on you. (Doesn't seem likely to lead to a sex scene as you won't have the strength).

28. Discovering that enemy has put tracking device/ mini-bomb etc. in your clothes, but not knowing which garments.

29. Discovering that lovely tight leather outfit will not allow you to kneel when you must kneel. (Actual -IIRC: PD having to be put in his place by DJ during a scene whilst wearing the Infamous Lobster Trousers).

30. Inspecting oneself thoroughly for evidence of alien interference after waking up face down in the middle of a crop circle.

31. Red Dwarf- Underwear replaced by shape shifting genetic mutant.

32. Nudist planet. Well, you never know!

33. Amnesia:  Need to check name sewn into underwear (Could be confusing, as in Calvin Klein {Back to the Future}).

34. Call of nature while wearing jumpsuit.

35. Inspecting someone who may or may not have been exposed to a nasty  infectious alien disease which manifests in its earliest stages with a  rash in intimate places one can't see oneself without the aid of strategically placed mirrors.

36. The teleport malfunctions and will only transport living organic material. (Yes, yes, à la the old Star Trek joke).

37. Getting splashed with caustic chemical/ drug that can be absorbed through skin/something that makes you ill (allergy/horrible smell)/ something that attracts danger (syrup over ant-hill/ pheromones /etc.)/ radioactive particles suspended in fluid/ flammable liquid/ etc.

38. Wearing protective clothing while standing next to something producing vast quantities of sparks, and discovering the hard way that you forgot to do up one of the fly buttons.

39. Strip poker/twister (well, this is a relatively innocent reason).

40. Wandering somewhere accidentally while resting/sleeping naked in a strange building, e.g. a hotel, and having the door lock behind one. This one only seems to happen to men.

41. You and two other extremely sexually attractive people are stuck on a  wonderful alien ship for four months following a prison ship, and you  haven't figured out how to get the computer to work and wash your one set of  clothes properly or found the wardrobe room or  how to use the teleport to get  off and find a launderette and/or clothes shop.

42. Shrinking or blowing up the crew to such a size that the clothes would not fit. It would have to work only on living organic matter otherwise Avon would stay clothed. Variant: one of the scientists they meet/ kidnap/ get killed is Dr. David Bruce Banner.

43. Getting one's clothing caught in machinery. Variant: trap doors shutting too soon/ gear wheels in engine/ bits inside really big computers.

44. Being struck by lightning - shredding the clothes off your back.

45. Prove that you are not wearing a wire. In an SF context: Prove that you are not a mutoid in disguise.

46. Sleepwalking? Sleep-climbing-into-someone-else's -bed-while-they're-in-it. (assuming you sleep nude, this works.) Variant: climbing into someone's bed, or even tripping over it, through being too drunk to walk straight in a hotel room.

47. Pulling the covers off someone else's bed to reveal that they habitually sleep naked.

48. Kilts and high winds.

49. Getting locked in hot room with the temperature steadily rising Variant: being in a normally hot room, just getting comfortable.

50. Being dosed with a poison that only the sun's rays can counteract.  Must maximize amount of skin contact with beneficial solar radiation to avoid hideous death.

51. Exposure to chemicals creates temporary extreme tactile sensitivity, to the point where the sensation of clothes on skin becomes unbearable. (Unfortunately, nookie would also be out of the question).

52. In order to acquire some mineral or other, the crew have to make a deal with the local pseudo-primitives. The most important part of the deal is a ceremony. And those participating in the ceremony must be "skyclad".

53. The Hitchhikers Guide invention that made all the molecules in someone's clothes leap 3 feet to the right or thereabouts. (Think this was the Ultimate Improbability Drive).

54. A man has such wonderful tattoos that he gets declared a national artistic treasure -if he has to exhibit his artwork to the public.

55. Ship's clothing has a standard life span and disintegrates after that.

56. Hiding from hostile aliens by destroying all clothes & pretending to be an animal (saw this once in a story set on a zoo ship). The hero was trying to delay matters until his reinforcements arrived.

57. In an ill-fated attempt to embarrass Servalan at her inaugural "do",  ex-members of the High Council club together and buy an "Avonagram"  stripper for the party. Avon finds out about this, and substitutes himself for the lookalike, so  that he can get close to her and kill her (or something).

58. Cloth-eating bacteria and/or fungus.

59. Communal Living eroding nudity taboos. Variant: Undressing in communal changing room. Variant: Communal shower. Variant: Being forced to share cramped accommodation (the undressing may only be temporary, but it will happen).

60. Walking into a room/house to discover that its occupant habitually  wanders around naked (either going to/from the bathroom, or just because they like it :-)

61. Hallucinations- thinking you're burning up, your clothes are attacking you/ you're been strangled by them, etc. you rip them off.

62. You're wearing a knit-in-one-length outfit and someone steps on a trailing thread and unravels you (Dr. Who -Tom Baker era- scarf joke).

63. From The Road to Hell fanfic- Blake, in prison, is dressed in 'paper analog' coveralls which are shredded in the escape. Avon found him some real ones, but ...

64. In one of the Stainless Steel Rat books, Slippery Jim has been captured  and dressed in a completely transparent plastic outfit. The idea is to keep him physically comfortable but under psychological pressure, since he's to all intents and purposes nude and having his attention drawn to this fact.

65. Your clothes mark you as enemy, either it's a uniform, or a plaid of the wrong clan, etc.

66. Comparing tattooed treasure maps.

67. Forced to strip before entering a stadium because clothes are marked with a competing product's brand to the company which owns the right to promote within the stadium. (Actually happened in June of 2006. Up to 1,000 Netherlands fans watched a World Cup Soccer match in their underpants .)

68. Person who is sensitive about weight, and fears he's gained some, insists on stripping completely to weigh himself (not wanting any excess ounces).

Date: 2017-05-03 05:57 pm (UTC)
watervole: (Bloody Torchwood)
From: [personal profile] watervole
The dedication of a true fan to the cause is inspirational!

My personal favourite is
17. Clothes eaten overnight due to hanging them up on carnivorous plant.

Date: 2017-05-03 09:39 pm (UTC)
sallymn: (blakes7 3)
From: [personal profile] sallymn
I think I remember that! Amazing how the prospect of a naked Avon fired the imagination :)

Date: 2017-05-04 09:28 pm (UTC)
sallymn: (blakes7 3)
From: [personal profile] sallymn
If less than truthful {g}

Date: 2017-05-03 09:46 pm (UTC)
quarryquest: (Default)
From: [personal profile] quarryquest
I may not have been around when it was originally created but it gave me a good laugh to read it. I also thought #17 was amusing having been in the chalk pit where those things were shot.

Date: 2017-05-04 03:38 am (UTC)
vilakins: Vila with stars superimposed (Default)
From: [personal profile] vilakins
This would be a good challenge for b7friday (which is now over here and could be revived).

Date: 2017-05-04 04:10 am (UTC)
vilakins: (writing)
From: [personal profile] vilakins
I'll copy and reduce the list to make it easier for people to choose, tomorrow my time which is Friday. :-) I'll acknowledge that it's a cut-down list and link to your post if you like.

Date: 2017-05-04 05:01 am (UTC)
vilakins: (avon blue)
From: [personal profile] vilakins
Along with you, yes! I also wrote one in which Avon loses his clothes the first time he uses the teleport, Beam Me Up.

Date: 2017-05-04 07:26 am (UTC)
pebblerocker: A worried orange dragon, holding an umbrella, gazes at the sky. (Default)
From: [personal profile] pebblerocker
Call of nature while wearing a jumpsuit! Futuristic outfits can be so impractical. I also love the one about hallucinating your clothes are trying to strangle you :D

Date: 2017-05-04 11:17 pm (UTC)
jaxomsride2: default (Default)
From: [personal profile] jaxomsride2
I think I've read some fanfics that could have been inspired by this list.

There is also decomtanimation process removes all potential threats

On a par with Chemical lands on clothes and dissolves them.
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