Yet another email frag

[feng_shui_house]

Now I have to clean up the mess. :^)

You need a cleaning-elf. :D
Nah, their union contract makes them too expensive for me.

Gnomes?
They eat cats.

Trolls?
Can't fit in the doorway.

Fairies?
They're all busy with their boyfriends.

Figures.
Can't count on the Fair Folk for housekeeping any more. *sigh* A bowl of milk won't buy you squat these days.

*tsks*
At least I can count on the spiders.

I'd pet the spiders, but they give me the creeps.
They try to catch the dust in their webs.

And flies.
Plenty of flies this year.

There always are.
We need more spiders.

Except not the ugly or deadly ones.
Ugly?? I never met an ugly spider.

Eeeeee!
*sigh*

EEEEEE!
Have a spider.

/^•^\

*runs away*
*spiders eat tater tots*

*shoots at spiders* Get away from my tater tots!
*spider criez*

*grins*
*spider calls you a meanie*

Yes. :D
*spider cries & goes off to suck a fly*

*buffs nails*
*spider writes protest message in web* Z unfair to spiders.

*writes on message protesting spiders*
*the anti-defamation of the eight-legged society mails Z a pamphlet showing how important spiders are to the world's ecology*

Pffttt!
*spiders march, each one carrying several tiny placards*

*turns on waterhose*
*Spider riot police show up with tiny loudspeakers and itty bitty sniper rifles*

*sprays water*
*Gigantic web-net lands on Z. Thousands of spiders pull on it*

*Screams*
*Spiders begin chanting 'Kong, Kong, Kong'... tiny blonde tarantula is being dragged to Zenia as a sacrifice, screaming 'NOOOOO' in a shrill spider voice*

*drools*
*blonde spider faints*

*picks up blonde*
*heroic spider tries to rescue blonde*

*tries to stamp on hero*
*spider hero grabs blonde and swings away*

*begins stomping on webs*
*Spiders evacuate the building*

*begins eating spiders*
*spiders blow up like pufferfish, all spiny and poisonous*

*plucks spiders first*
*kamikazi spiders swing in and bite Z all over, hundreds, thousands millions of them*

*Screams and writhes*
*Spiders evaporate as Z wakes. It was all a bad dream from overeating Tater tots.*

Whew! *has some water*
*spider wearing white lab coat takes off headset in tiny spider lab hidden in the ceiling and nods to spider assistant* [squeaky voice] 'Stage one of our plan to conquer the humans is complete.'

LOL! I knew it!
*sigh* Oh well, maybe they'll keep us as pets. :^)

One can hope. :D

--

Comments

[the-summoning-d.livejournal.com]

O.O That's scary. I like spiders too... *shifty eyes* OH GOD THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!! HEEEEEELLLP- *nasty cruching noise which dies off into choked screams*

*little squeaky spider voice* Move along...you have seen nothing here...nothing...

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

Eight Legs Uber Alles!

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

Eeep... that's strange and rather disturnbing...

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

*grin* And that's one of the few that's fit for public consumption. *giggle*

[blakefancier.livejournal.com]

We are strange and disturbing people. :D

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

Isn't it wonderful? :^)

[trekgirl55.livejournal.com]

Ugh I hate spiders! This was cute though it sort of creeped me out too. hehe

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

*grin* Z hates spiders, too.