RL

[feng_shui_house]

Brother Ken is here, and calm. Irritated, but reasonable. He glanced through the box of food/kitchen stuff I'd made up back when I thought he'd be renting a bungalow & only wanted a few items. So I put the toaster, blender and coffee maker to one side to give to charity next time I have a large enough batch to be worth while calling for pickup. And sorted out the unopened cans & packages of gluten-containing foods & told the roofers that they could have any of it they liked. I hate waste.

Ken wants to stay long enough to cook up one of his hideously expensive steaks, and watch a football game. As long as he's sober, isn't staying the night, and isn't being aggressive and demanding, I've no objection. Certainly a steak is no use to me, and he's already said he's giving me the $1000 TV (I don't watch TV, but hopefully it would be a sweetener in the house sale.)


*Still* waiting for UPS. This is the third day, they're supposed to call me by 10AM....didn't make it.

EDIT: Ken says he'll take 2 of his three cats, leaving me with the one that's less dependent on him. He plans to take a 2 bedroom apartment with our Arizona brother.

He's been clean for several days, so I can talk to him. I'm trying to convince him that if he stays clean and works at it, he *can* get out his depression because a lot of it is chemical, and a lot of it is living in a place he hates. He thinks I'm wrong because he was clean the whole year of drug rehab and still depressed. Yes, because he was lying around in mom's house doing nothing. Her plan for his life was to 'build up his self-esteem' by praising him for doing nothing and requiring nothing of him and letting him think that nothing was all he was, and all he could be.

I didn't bother trying to dissuade him of his fixed opinion that he's been so generous and slaving so hard on his house for me that I won't be able to handle all the many things he does and pay all the expenses by myself. I didn't bother to mention that I feel the expenses will be cut so low by his leaving that I'll be saving money. All he shared were the utilities and the food bill, both of which he used extravagantly. I paid half the gas bill for his car, getting in return perhaps 2 fifteen minute distance trips per month- I think as infrequently as I go out, a taxi won't be much more expensive.

When he was acting as if he suddenly noticed that the plywood base of the fireplace in the living room is ruined and how am I going to deal with that without him to take care of it, I did not mention that *he* destroyed it in Sept 2006. I did not mention that I asked him at least a dozen times to get the materials to fix it. What I said was 'I'll hire a carpenter.' Which again struck him as an amazing solution to the problem. Frankly, if he left his tools, I'd try to do it, but I bet he'll take everything, including the things he has three of.

Ken had done one tenth the things he thinks he's done, the minor work on the house would all be done. He did one major job in September of 06, and then much later in 07 after months of procrastination, he finally finished putting walls up in 'his' room so he could move back in -- but only because my cat peed on his computer surge protector from the setup he had stuck in my living room.

He already made me an offer to let me pay half the cost of the generator in order to buy it from him. He bought it when mom was alive and she paid his credit card. Legally, it's part of the estate which *I* got because *I* paid the entire lawyer fees and so the only assets which weren't given specifically to Ken were mine. Basically, the contents of entropy house, barring Ken's personal possessions- which didn't include the generator or the gas mower which he remembers as his simply because he used his credit card to get them for mom, who paid for them. I pointed that out to him once and he denied that she paid for them. He didn't have a *Dime* of his own, and if he *had* he wouldn't have bought something for the house.

I told him take it, I don't want it. It's not as if the generator ever worked right. I asked him to try to figure out why we couldn't power up anything except the refrigerator and a few lights (it's powerful enough theoretically to do a LOT more than that) but he couldn't be bothered, and the electrician was too busy to respond to a request put forward by me. (He might have come over to figure it out if Ken had asked.) I really don't care- anyway it's entirely possible that when it comes time to pack up, he'll decide he doesn't want it & can't be bothered selling it & will just leave it. All I know is that I'm not paying for it.

It's funny, the one thing that I would never deny was his, the $1000 TV, he offered to give me. (He may change his mind & decide to sell it to me after Ariz gets here- in which case, I will rescind my offer to buy it from him & tell him to take it.)

--

Ken went to Home Depot to buy more catfood (he got some from the grocery for me, but he wanted more for the trip with his 2 cats) and a new safe in which to keep his treasures (he had a few valuables from years back and he bought some gold coins once he had inheritance money burning a hole in his pocket.) I'd told him at the time that buying them *as an investment* didn't seem worthwhile at the price. But he 'deserved' them, so he got them, because it made him feel better. I suggested that as he didn't display them or even look at them very often he should get a safe deposit at the bank, but he figured a safe of his own would be better. The only reason he didn't lose everything is that the safe was heavy, and inconvenient for them to carry.

HAH. Ken called to tell me that Bimbo called to tell him she'd had a restraining order put on him. SURPRISE. I had told him not to go over to her boyfriend's place and make threats, but no, he knew that would make him feel better. I told him to let it go, and he agreed that talking to her was a waste of time.

He called again-- the store couldn't ring up the catfood, so he left without it. He always gives up.

He also called Bimbo back again to make a few insulting remarks, because 'it made him feel better'. *sigh*

External things do not 'make you feel better'. Not unless you work at happiness. I can tell you that if I ever got in a position where I could afford the time, space and expense, having a horse would *add* to my happiness, but it wouldn't create it, and I'm not miserable for never having had something I've deeply desired since I was four years old.

Comments

[kalinda001.livejournal.com]

Glad things are looking up.

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

Here's hoping he can stay clean until he goes & I don't get too fed up with him pushing over here every day to try to use stuff.

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

Sounds hopeful. Have my fingers crossed for you.

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'll gladly accept all the luck I can get.

[pseudnik.livejournal.com]

Still have everything crossed here too.

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

*sniff* You guys are too good to me. :^)

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

It looks like you're well on the way to getting rid of him - here's hoping. Is Arizona brother coming to pick him up? Is he sensible?

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

Arizona is going to fly out, he's already arranged a truck to carry Ken's stuff & haul his Saturn behind them.

Ariz is willfully blind. Which is good, because he's not thinking it any hardship to plan to share a two-bedroom apartment with Ken. He has a BIG advantage over me in that Ken WILL listen to him. Everything I ever said to him ran through the 'female opinion is worthless' 'sister opinion is worse than worthless'.

[reapermum.livejournal.com]

he's already arranged a truck to carry Ken's stuff

So there's no chance Ariz is going to be trying to talk you into letting Ken back.

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

no, ariz said from the start of the mess that it was good we should split. he will be on k's side, tho, because he's another macho.

typing 1 handed on long distance hold to UPS cust relations ...had to google...after 4 days of promises i'm sick of looking at the package they were supposed to pick up. been on hold 9 min.

[vilakins.livejournal.com]

He's going to Arizona? Is that with the doctor bro? I hope he's a lot tougher on him, and that the cats he's taking will be OK.

You can't watch DVDs or tapes on the TV? Anyway, things are looking up! :-)

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

Doc Bro is in Virginia & the two of them get on like fire and gasoline, so that would never happen.

I don't know if I could watch DVDs or tapes on the TV. I probably could if I hooked up my combo DVD/VHS player to it, but I got out of the habit of watching TV many years ago & now it'll probably drive me bonkers to sit and watch when I could be doing something.

[vilakins.livejournal.com]

But but but B7 DVDs on the big screen! So cool, and so clear. (Or all the other old series you like.)

Must watch 'Spacefall' this weekend...

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

I can't get B7 DVDs made for my region and I'm unwilling to chance getting so involved I get the thing stuck on a region I can't use for anything else.

*sigh* Well anyway, watching TV to me is something you do when all your tasks are completed. I should be able to do that in... a couple years?

[kalypso-v.livejournal.com]

This sounds good. If he's in Arizona, he won't be dropping in.

[entropy-house.livejournal.com]

If he once gets out of Hellholeah, wild mustangs couldn't drag him back-- or me, either. At this point, the only thing I'll miss about this burg are the thrift shops.

[lizamanynames.livejournal.com]

Cheers - things definately seem on an upswing. And all his bitching and quibbling aside - he's at least dedicated to getting the frell out of there!

very wise words at the end, BTW.