feng_shui_house: me at my computer (Default)
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The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'm going on ahead.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes in-verse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Date: 2009-02-15 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ultrapsychobrat.livejournal.com
Oh, my god, I'm in love!! Some of these are wonderul.

Date: 2009-02-15 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] entropy-house.livejournal.com
Some of them are classics... I've heard the 'time flies' one attributed to Groucho Marx.

Have you heard about the man who tried to commit suicide by jumping into a French river? He was in Seine, of course.

Date: 2009-02-15 09:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ultrapsychobrat.livejournal.com
You're a punster yourself, aren't you? I seem to recall some short stories you wrote. Isaac Asimov's pun stories are some of my favorites in scifi.

Date: 2009-02-15 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] entropy-house.livejournal.com
I am indeed a pundit. :^)

Date: 2009-02-15 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vjezkova.livejournal.com
Jůůůů! I even understand some!:-)

Date: 2009-02-15 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] entropy-house.livejournal.com
You're getting good at this! :^)

Date: 2009-02-15 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vjezkova.livejournal.com
:-):-)Thank you!

Date: 2009-02-15 09:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vilakins.livejournal.com
Last night the police station was broken into and the toilet was stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Date: 2009-02-15 10:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] entropy-house.livejournal.com
*giggle* Good one. :^)
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